Reflections of a Lookout

I suppose when one has lived long enough to be eligible for the red, white and blue card issued by the government, one reflects more on one’s life.  Plus, when that one spends one’s summers working in a lookout tower, one has lots of time to reflect; which is what I have found myself doing a lot lately – wondering what brought me to this particular place in my life.

As I look back, one thing in particular emerges and I wonder if other dedicated lookouts have experienced the same thing.  Do all lookouts feels as different as I do??  Growing up, and in all stages of my life, I was not at all unhappy.  I got along well with other people.  But, I always felt like an oddball. – like I never fit in with the crowd.  Even as a married woman caring for a large family and associating with other families, I always felt like I was on the outside looking in, until I fell into the position of a lookout 14 years ago.  Now I’m on the inside looking out.  [Pun intended].  For the first time in my life, I feel I have found my niche.  I love my solitude.  Not that I am anti-people.  I am happy to see visitors come – and just as happy to see them go.  Even though I am alone much of the time, I still have a sense of being of service to my fellow man [or woman].  Over the years, there have been countless times when I was glad I was here to help relay for searches, rescues, and fires.  It gives me great satisfaction to reflect on these experiences.

Then, of course, there is the very real sense of literally being in the midst of God’s creation – looking at the same landscape that changes nearly every day and tuning in to the moods of the forest.  Thunderstorms have almost become a spiritual experience – sometimes intimidating [there is nothing like a direct hit to get the heart rate up!], but, oh, so awesome!  Only another lookout can relate to the feeling of being up in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Am I lonely?  Not at all.  I feel very much at peace with myself at this stage of my life.   And, oh so comfortable in my little niche.

Carol Ann Ralston
Bald Mountain Lookout, Sequoia NF
2003